Autism Myth: “You Don‘t Look Autistic” And What NOT To Say To Autistic People

„The frustrating thing about having high functioning autism is that you‘re too weird to be considered normal, but too normal for people to believe you are autistic.“

„But you don’t look autistic“.. this is a classic, and this is no compliment. When someone discloses that they or someone they love are on the autism spectrum they often hear „really?! You don‘t look autistic“.

It is generally intended as a compliment. When in fact it is NOT. A comment like this can erode the person on the spectrum‘s self-worth by minimizing their experience and the effort it takes to just fit into everyday life.

It can also cause the individual to feel like they have to justify their cognitive differences. It can make them feel like a liar, even though the process of seeking a diagnosis is not an easy road..

I experienced my first attempt of my “coming out” as a person on the autism spectrum as highly disappointing and discouraging. After a few weeks of my official diagnosis, i opened up to a friend of mine (also suffering from mental-& physical health issues) which i thought would 100% understand and react with a more empowering and accepting manner. Instead, her blunt response to it was: “You are definitely not autistic”.

The reaction i received was very disappointing and the comment made was indeed heart-crushing to experience. I felt sad and angry, both, at the same time, and i felt like i wasn’t validated enough by not taking me seriously. As a result, i found myself in unnecessary explanations, trying to make my statement valid and my diagnosis credible.

It takes already far more than just some courage for an autistic person to be open about their diagnosis and to come forward – and then, as a result, to simply receive such disrespecting and degrading comments as the outcome, is absolutely far from the desire of being accepted and feeling empowered.

A show of support, interest or acceptance is a much more welcomed and far more helpful response. Please, thank you.

Autism Fact: Autism doesn‘t have a specific „look“. Autism is a neuro developmental difference. It is an invisible disability. Most people on the spectrum don‘t look any different to anyone else.

Some Examples On What “NOT” To Say To An Autistic Person

• „You don‘t look autistic“ (my alltime favorite) – how does autism even look like, anyway? Can someone please explain?
• „Everyone‘s a little autistic“ – To recieve a diagnosis, one has to have many traits that span across several different categories of the diagnostic criteria. Some of us undergo a long precedure. At the end of the day, if everyone was a little autistic, society would function completely diffrently..
• „You must be a genious“ – an autistics intelligence levels are just as varied as those of neurotypical peoples..
• „You can act normal if you try hard enough“ – Best answer. „What is normal?“
• „But you‘re not that autistic, right?“ – ASD isnt a linear spectrum, with high functioning at one end and lower functioning at the other. It‘s more like a color wheel.
• „You‘re not actually autistic because you‘re nothing like my sisters child“ – When you‘ve met one autistic person, you‘ve met one autistic person. Everybody is different.
• „You‘re vaccine damaged / It‘s your parents fault“ – there is no evidence that backs this up. Fact.

„Autism..

where hearts melt and hearts break on a daily basis,

sometimes at the same time.

Autism is hard, love is easy.“